Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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