did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
