There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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