Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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