Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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