I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
