Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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