She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize