I accidentally had phone sex last night
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
