I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
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