White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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