Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
