he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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