she was so not down for the gang bang
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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