Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
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boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
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The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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