he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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