If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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