I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
