i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
