You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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