my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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