I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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