so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
