were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
