I puked a lego.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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