My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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