I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
