R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
