Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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