Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Can I color on your dick again?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
