So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
