you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
