Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
