i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
