Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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