With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
