Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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