Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
