dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
