I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
