Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so let's talk penis.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
