Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
