I think I am morally bankrupt
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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