I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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