woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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