Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
the raccoons are back...
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