you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
