So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
