I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
