if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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