i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
