So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize