she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
