I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
