I swear she didn't look like that last week.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
third nipple confirmed
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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