Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
