Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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