You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
