In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
