i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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