weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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