Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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