I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
