Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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