My first STD was from a foam party
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
