I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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