just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
