you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
