Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just cut my nipple shaving
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
