Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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