I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
